


Lost And Fading

by darylvdixon



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol, Angst, Consensual Underage Sex, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Peer Pressure, Sad, Sadness, Underage Drinking, age gap, confused feelings, drug overdose, im sorry, not really underage as robb is 17 but theon is 21 so just in case, rape mention, rip ned stark, robb uses theon, theon uses robb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-11 06:43:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11142993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darylvdixon/pseuds/darylvdixon
Summary: Robb Stark was your average Golden child, that was until his father passed away in an accident. Now at the age of 17 Robb finds himself in a downward spiral into drugs, alcohol and crippling depression. He abandons his family for his new found friends and has no intention of pulling himself together. But when Theon starts to care for him will be be able to pull Robb about of his new lifestyle before it's too late? Or will he lose Robb to the lifestyle that he introduced him to in the first place.





	1. Chapter 1

It was raining and the weather fit perfectly with Robb’s mood and he’s sure with the rest of his families. His black suit felt tight and clingy and he was finding it hard to breath with the tie done up around his neck. It felt claustrophobic and he just wanted to rip it off and throw it into a fire never to be seen again.

Some people stood with umbrellas but he didn’t. He didn’t care about getting wet, it didn’t bother him anymore. It was just a little bit of water, getting wet suddenly felt extremely unimportant in the grand scheme of things. He would stand in the rain for the rest of his life if it meant he could see his dad again. He’d walk bare foot over broken glass and put his hand into a furnace if it meant he could have one last conversation, one last hug. But he knew that was silly. No amount of pain he brought upon himself with bring his dad back, but that didn’t mean he could get passed it.

His relationship with his mother had always been somewhat strained, although he was extremely well behaved, had good grades in school and was always polite, he could never get along with his siblings and his mother hated it. It’s not that he and his siblings didn’t like each other, but with a house full of kids there was bound to be arguments, and Robb just always seemed to find himself in the middle of them.

When their mother had told them about the accident she had hugged them all but Robb had gone stiff in her arms. _She was joking_ … _She_ had _to be joking_. His dad could not be…gone. His dad who had always been there for him, always been on his side when his mother had scolded him, always treated him the best because he knew how left out Robb felt. His dad who would take him on camping trips and fishing trips, just the two of them. Gone. Gone forever.

Robb felt numb. He didn’t eat, he found food no longer had a taste when your insides felt hollow. His mother had to force him into the shower before he came out this morning and even then he just sat on the floor of the shower and sobbed for an hour. He hadn’t been going to school but his mother hadn’t minded about that, neither had Arya or Bran or Rickon. Jon and Sansa had, they said it helped take their mind off of things and it was good for them.

But Robb didn’t want to take his mind off of things. He didn’t want to not think of his dad. He wanted to remember him, even if it meant he sat up in his room crying the whole night, he wanted to remember him.

He hadn’t listened to the service. He didn’t care what people had to say about his dad. Half of them hadn’t seen him in years and most of the family was only pretending they loved and cared for him, it’s not like they ever visited. Half the people here Robb was sure he’d never seen before in his life, yet here they were, patting his back and telling him everything was going to be okay. _But everything wasn’t going to be okay. His dad was gone. His best friend, the only person who ever understood him. How the fuck was everything going to be okay?_

He hated it especially when people came up to say how sorry they were. Like that helped at all. Sorry for what? Sorry that he’d lost his dad? Sorry that they’d pretend to be sad and then they’d get to go home tonight and be with their unbroken family? Sorry that he has to listen to his sisters cry themselves to sleep? Sorry that his siblings have to listen to him do the same thing? He _hated_ it, and he just wanted to shout at everyone to _leave him the fuck alone!_

But he couldn’t. It wouldn’t be appropriate and it would only upset his mother more, so he stayed quiet. He kept his head down, didn’t say anything and watched as the sleek black coffin descended into the ground. He hold onto Arya’s hand tight as she wrapped her other hand around his arm and buried her head into his sleeve. The priest offered Robb the bag of dirt to throw a handful onto the coffin but he wouldn’t, he didn’t want his dad to be in the ground and he certainly didn’t want to help bury him.

Once final words were said everyone started moving away, eager to get out of the rain and into their warm cars to go to the wake. A wake. Such a stupid idea. Why would anyone want to go to a party after a funeral. He didn’t want to go sit around people five minutes after he’d just buried his dad and have them laugh and joke and act like everything was okay. Everyone would be smiling and ‘remembering the good times’ he didn’t want that. All that false happiness. He would have to smile along and pretend he was okay, but he wasn’t.

Robb only moved away from the grave when Jon wrapped his arm around his shoulders and pulled him and Arya away. Robb didn’t think it was possible for Jon to look more sad than he did on any normal given day, but he was wrong. Although Jon seemed to be taking it better than he was, he still showed such sadness in his features. His brows had been constantly furrowed in a frown since the news and his dark eyes no longer held that playful spark they once did. All his siblings looked like that, and he knew he looked no better.

Robb was right about the wake. People continued to tell him they were sorry, tell him that things would be okay and that he should remember the good times he’d had with his father. Like Robb wouldn’t do that anyway. Like he’d sit and remember the arguments and disagreements they’d had over all the good things they’d done. He sat on a table at the back of the room with his siblings. Sansa and Jon were trying to put on a brave face, smiling whenever someone came over to talk to them, but he and the younger kids didn’t bother trying. They were sad and mournful and they didn’t feel like pretending they weren’t.

After staying for a couple hours they thought that was long enough and decided to leave. They walked home, it was still raining but no one complained. Robb still held Arya’s hand, Jon and Sansa walked at the front and Bran and Rickon between them. Arya had been just as close to their dad as he had been, she had also been a bit of an odd one out and had found comfort in her father’s acceptance.

Robb remembered a couple years ago when Arya had been found fighting at school with a girl who bullied her, their father had picked her up and collected Robb also. He’d taken them out for the day just the three of them, it was one of Robb’s fondest memories. His mother had been annoyed when they finally got back home, saying Arya should have been scolded for fighting not rewarded for it and that he shouldn’t have taken Robb out during the middle of the school day. But his father never cared, if he wanted to spend the day with his kids and treat them he would, and he’d do it whenever he wanted.

“Can I stay in your room tonight, Robb?” Arya asks as they enter the hall way. The house seemed cold and empty, it had for the past couple of weeks now. It was almost as if the building knew, it knew something was missing. Even the bricks and decorations were mourning for Ned Stark.

“Of course you can.” Robb says giving her hand a squeeze, “We’ll go watch a movie, yeah?” Robb gives her a force smile and leads the way upstairs to his bedroom.

It was only late afternoon but recently Robb had found his sleeping pattern to be as much of a mess as he was. He’d wake during the middle of the night, either screaming from a nightmare or crying from a dream of his father. He’d stay awake then and by the middle of the afternoon he was sleeping again. He spent most of his time up in his room, usually alone, sometimes with Arya.

He left Arya choose the movie and made room for them both on his bed. He pushed the clothes onto the floor, unsure whether they were clean or dirty, he doesn’t remember the last time he did any of his washing or cleaned his room. Arya climbed under the blankets as the movie started and cuddled into Robb’s side. She was crying, Robb knew she was, but he didn’t say anything, he just stroked her hair softly knowing she’d rather be left alone.

Robb fell asleep half way into the movie and when he finally woke again it was pitch black in his room, the tv still playing away to itself as it had restarted the movie. Arya was asleep, one arm dangling off the side of the bed as she laid out on her stomach. He got up quietly and turned the tv off before making his way across the hall to the bathroom. Once he was finished he started making his way back to his room but stopped when he noticed the light on downstairs. He creeped to the top of the stair case and looked down, seeing the light was coming from the living room, it was dim so he figured only one of the side lamps was on. He thought at first maybe Sansa or Jon had forgotten to turn it off when they went to bed and almost left it until he heard muffled sounds which resembled crying.

Robb made his way slowly down the stairs, skipping the second from last step as it always creaked. He peered round the doorway and spotted his mother sat in his dads arm chair, crying into a tissue and attempting to wipe the tears from her face but they fell quicker than she could clear them. He chewed his lower lip, debating whether it was best to leave her alone or go to her. He almost left her, but the pang in his chest instead made him walk forward, she must have noticed him because she stopped sniffling but didn’t look up.

Robb sat on the arm of the chair and gingerly wrapped his arms around his mothers shoulders, she stilled for a moment and then leaned into him, crying against his chest as he held her. Neither of them said anything, but neither of them had anything to say. They just understood that in that moment all they needed was each other and the silence. Robb didn’t cry, he didn’t cry in front of people but he knew he would later.

The most heart breaking thing was knowing his father had died, the second most heart breaking thing was watching his mother and siblings cry about it. There was nothing worse than seeing your loved one’s hurting, even if you didn’t always get along and see eye to eye, he still didn’t like seeing them cry.

Robb isn’t sure how long he stayed down there but he knows he must have fallen asleep at some point as he’s woken by the sound of pots banging in the kitchen. He’s now curled up on the armchair which his mother had been occupying with a blanket wrapped over him. The sounds from the kitchen and the smell of food indicated that his mother was in there cooking and for a moment it almost felt like a normal day, like it always did first thing in the morning. When he’d just risen from sleep it always took him a moment to remember things and every morning he hopes it was all just a dream. But when Jon comes downstairs and gives him the smallest nod in greeting, and he looks down and realises he’s still in his suit trousers and shirt, he knows it wasn’t a dream.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been nearly a week since his father’s funeral and Robb had been forced out of the house to attend his sixth form classes. Robb didn’t want to go back to school. He didn’t much see the point in completing his A levels anymore, he was only doing it to make his dad proud and now he wouldn’t even know how he got on. Robb was sure he’d fail anyway, he hadn’t been in nearly three weeks and he didn’t expect he would be able to concentrate very well anymore anyway.

So Robb only pretended that he was going to school, he begged Jon and Sansa not to tell their mother, he said he just needed a little more time and they eventually said okay. But now Robb hadn’t gone to school he was unsure on what to do with himself. He didn’t have many friends and those that he did have would be attending classes, he couldn’t go back home and there was no other family members he wanted to be around.

Robb found himself wondering the streets for the better part of the morning, he didn’t mind walking, he found it cleared his head and gave him chance to think and have some peace, but by lunch time he was tired of walking the same streets so instead made his way to the park and sat on one of the wooden benches, because what else are you supposed to do when you’re skipping school?

The day was cold, but thankfully not as cold as it had been the past week so sitting in the park was just about bearable for him. He leant forward, propping his elbows up onto his knees and leaning his head in his hands with a sigh. He needed to pull himself together, he knew he did, he just wasn’t sure how to just yet. He thought he just needed another week, maybe two, then he could start picking the pieces back up and get on with his life, maybe go back to school and actually try. Or perhaps drop out and find a job. His mother had wanted him to go to university but Robb had no idea what he wanted to do with his life so he wouldn’t have the first idea on what he should go and study, he’d just end up wasting another four years of his life.

Robb was sick of _not doing anything_. Sansa was a brilliant artist, her drawings were phenomenal and she had already had some of her work showcased in a local art gallery. Jon’s writing was outstanding and he’d been offered a place as a journalist for the local newspaper when he graduated - he even worked weekends there sometimes, for free, just to get the practice in.

Bran was also good at writing but of a different type, Bran would make up the most fantastic stories and create worlds all of his own. Arya was top of her taekwondo class and Rickon came first in all of his schools sprinting races. The school always rang up home to tell their parents how well they were doing.

What had he done? The only time his school had rang his parents was when he’d gotten into trouble for encouraging his friend to stick his head through the fence and he’d gotten stuck. He wasn’t a writer, he wasn’t an artist or a sports phenomenon. He liked to read, but he didn’t think there would be many jobs out there for that, and he was good at biology. But he didn’t want to do that as a career either.

He was boring. He had no talents and no promising future. He was just average and easily looked over. He wanted to do something great, but he knew he probably couldn’t, so instead he just wanted to do something fun. Something for him. Maybe he could go travelling, but you’d need money to do that, and he was sure his mother wouldn’t fork out money for him to go prancing about the country while she had Sansa’s tuition to pay and Arya’s classes to fund.

Robb is jolted out of his thoughts when he feels the bench rock as someone else sits beside him, at first he thought it would probably be Jon, come to find him but it wasn’t. Robb looks over at the stranger beside him and then turns away to look out at the large grassy area in front of him, not much to hold his attention, a few trees and a broken football post.

The stranger holds a pack of cigarettes out in front of him, offering one up for Robb to take, “Oh uh, I don’t smoke, thanks.” Robb mumbles out, looking away from the pack down to his hands clasped on his lap.

“Why not? It’s good for ya.” The stranger continues to hold the pack out, shaking it for emphasis when Robb still doesn’t reach for one.

Robb looks over at the stranger, he has dark hair and grey eyes, not great looking but definitely not ugly. He was wearing a plain black polo shirt and black jeans, he looked older than Robb but he supposed anyone his age and younger would be at school so he had to be older. Robb chews his lower lip and slowly reaches out to take one of the white sticks.

Well, he said he wanted to do something fun, right? This could be fun, trying something new. Even if it’s just the once, _at least he could say he did it_. He’d never smoked, he barely drank and he only ever got into trouble when he was acting stupid with his friends, and even then it wasn’t anything major.

Plus his mother would kill him if she knew he’d had a cigarette, _and that was exciting_. Knowing he was doing something wrong, _something bad_. It was exhilarating and he hadn’t even lit it up yet. The man beside him passed over his purple lighter and Robb put the cigarette between his lips, lighting the end and breathing in the rough smoke. Robb felt it catch in the back of his throat but he refused to cough, he held it in instead and looked away as he passed the lighter back.

His Uncle Benjen smoked, his mother always shook her head and tutted at him when he was round for their summer BBQ’s and smoking in the corner. It wasn’t amazing. Actually, it was awful, why people would do this regularly he didn’t know. It felt rough and clogged up his throat, it smelt disgusting and it even made him feel light headed. _But still it felt good._

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” The man asks, nodding down at Robb’s backpack which was sat by his feet.

“Shouldn’t you be at work?” Robb questions back with a raised brow, he takes another drag from the cigarette, still not fully understanding the appeal though the more he puffed on it the more he got the idea.

“Touche.” He chuckles, “Theon Greyjoy.” He holds out his hand and Robb reaches forward to shake it quickly.

“Robb.” He replies, he didn’t want to tell him his last name. His father’s death had been in the papers and he didn’t want to take the chance of this guy recognising it, he didn’t want anymore sympathy.

“So, why aren’t you at school, Robb?” Theon asks, flicking his cigarette butt onto the ground in front of him.

Robb watched it slowly burn out as he spoke, “Don’t see the point.” Robb shrugs, “Didn’t want to go. So I didn’t.”

“So what? You just plan on sitting here all day?” Theon laughs.

“What’s it to you?” Robb snaps. He was starting to annoy him now, why was it any of his business where he should be, why he wasn’t there and what he was doing instead?

“Well, I’ve get a better place you could be if you’re interested.” Theon shrugs.

Robb drops the end of his cigarette onto the floor and squashes it with his shoe before looking over at Theon with a frown, “I’m not really sure I should go wandering off with strangers I’ve just met in parks.” He points out.

Theon laughs, “Well true,” he shrugs, “But you also shouldn’t accept cigarettes off of them, I could of put anything in that.” He looks over at him a smiles, “I’m not a creep. I’m not a pervert trying to get you back to mine to rape you. You just looked a little upset sat here so I wanted to come over. You don’t have to come with me, it’s just a little get together thing with a few friends.”

Robb sighs and looks away again, “I wasn’t accusing you of being a pervert.” He mumbles, he plays with his hands in his lap. Really he should say no. _Why would he say yes?_ Why would he go off with a stranger who really could be anyone, and why would he go meet up with their friends? _Because it could be fun_. If he doesn’t like it, he can just leave. But not much can be worse than hanging around a park on his own for the next four hours.

“Yeah alright, fine.” Robb nods his head and runs a hand up through his hair, “Don’t see why not.” he looks over to the man next to him and smiles. _A smile that he didn’t have to force out,_ he noted.

Theon grins and jumps up, “Great! Come on then.” He turns and heads off in what Robb guessed was the direction he’d come. Robb pulls himself up off the bench and follows after him slowly catching up. Theon was a little taller than he was and had longer legs so he had to walk a little quicker to keep up with him.

Theon led him through streets Robb’s barely ever walked through before, this was the rougher side of town and he’d never had a reason to go down there before. It wasn’t rough as in if you’re not careful you’ll get stabbed, more like there’s a couple old drunk guys stumbling about and some thirteen year olds in adidas tracksuits on bikes who think they’re intimidating.

Theon led the way to a pale block of flats, council flats he guessed but it didn’t look like a bad place to live. There was a very tiny play ground with swings and monkey bars for the kids and a couple shops across the street. Robb wouldn’t even mind living here himself if it got him out of his home. He’d started hating the place. Everything was a reminder. His dads armchair, his dad’s place at the table, his books, his coat still in the hall way.

Theon takes him to a flat on the second floor, rolling his eyes as he heard music the closer they got, “My friends like to let themselves in. I never even gave them a key.” He explains as he opens the door and lets him inside.

The flat was pretty empty, the basic furniture and a few personal belongings but nothing all that interesting. There was two girls and a boy sat on the couches, smoking, playing some video game and being extremely loud. One girl looked much like Theon did, the other had long black hair and was fairly pretty, the boy also had dark hair cut short and a round face.

“Oi!” Theon shouts, getting their attention as he walks in, “This is Robb.” He says pointing to him, “That’s Edric. Alys, and my sister Asha.” Robb smiles and gives an awkward wave as they all turn to look at him

“New friend? Looks a bit young, where’d you find him?” The sister, Asha, asked, turning back to the tv and taking advantage of Edric’s distraction and shooting him.

“Skipping school on a park bench.” Theon chuckles and pulls Robb forward by the arm, he sits him on a spare seat and leaves, returning almost instantly with an open beer and passing it to Robb.

He took it, though he wasn’t much of a drinker. His mother let him drink on occasions, christmas, weddings, the odd beer at a family event, but not much. He took a sip, he didn’t really like the taste but he supposed it was something you had to get used to. He figured people didn’t drink beer for the taste, more of the affects it gives you. He sat quietly watching Edric get beat multiple times by Asha before finally throwing his control down at the floor in anger.

“Fucking cheating!” He growls and shakes his head, “Always cheating.” He gets up and goes to the jacket hanging on the back of a chair, reaching into the pocket and pulling something out.

At first Robb just thought it was a cigarette but once he’d lit it and the smoke reached him he realised it wasn’t, he wrinkled his nose at the smell, he never had liked it. He was sure it’d stick to his clothes, he’d have to change quickly once he got home so his mother didn’t notice it.

“Oh I don’t smoke…that.” Robb mumbles when the boy holds it out to him, “I don’t do drugs.”

Edric laughs, “It’s not like, real drugs.” He says holding it closer, “You ever tried it before? You might like it. You look a little tense, could use some relaxation.”

“Oi, if he don’t want to then leave him.” The girl, Alys, says rolling her eyes, “Not everyone’s a useless stoner like you, Storm.”

“Hey I’m trying to help!” Edric shoots back, “Just one puff,” He continues, “It’ll relax you, it’s a nice feeling. Trust me.”

Robb didn’t know how he could trust someone he just met, and he really didn’t think he should be taking the drugs he was offering. Trying a cigarette was one thing, following a stranger home was another, but taking drugs? No, he really shouldn’t. But Edric doesn’t seem to want to back down, and he did say it would make him feel good… He supposed one drag wouldn’t hurt, he doubted it would even affect him, he wouldn’t inhale enough.

Robb sighs and takes it from his hand, “Alright, I’ll try it. Can’t hurt, right?” he smiles lightly and lifts it to his lips.

“Course it can’t! You’ll like it.” Robb was unsure but took a drag anyway. It wasn’t as rough as a cigarette but left a strange after taste in his mouth, he pulled a face and looked up at Edric again as he laughs, “You’ll get used to the taste, will start liking it as well.”

Robb is doubtful but takes another drag anyway before passing it back. Edric passed it round the group and Robb went back to sipping his beer. He felt a little light headed but he couldn’t tell whether that was the beer, the weed or the cigarette smoke that had filled the room.

“This has gotta be better than sitting on a park bench, right?” Theon grins coming to sit beside him.

“Well, it’s warmer.” Robb shrugs, “I don’t really…Do this kinda thing so…”

Theon shrugs, “What do you do then?”

Robb thinks for a moment before sighing, “Nothing I guess.” He laughs bitterly, “I suppose I’m kind of boring.”

“Hey, I don’t think you’re boring.” Theon pats his shoulder, “And don’t worry. Smoking a bit of weed isn’t going to kill you. You can come round here whenever you want, we’re pals now, right?”

Robb looks over at him and nods his head slowly. Right, _pals_. Robb supposed he could use some new friends…And they didn’t seem that bad. And they were right, it was only a little bit of weed. He’d never heard of that killing anyone, and people drink all the time, so really, what was the harm?


	3. Chapter 3

Robb tapped his pen against his unopened writing pad, he was aware of the girl sitting beside him glaring in his direction but he ignored her, knowing the tapping was annoying her only made him do it for longer. He was sat at the back of his English class, ignoring everything the teacher was saying. They were studying poems, Robb never used to mind poetry, Sansa would always help him with his analysis and they were currently studying one of her favourite writers Christina Rossetti, so actually Robb had somewhat of a head start as he already knew a lot of her work. Though that didn’t help him now, he wasn’t interested in listening to his teacher ramble on about ‘true meanings’ and why this poem was written in a Petrarchan form, he was too busy focusing on the last two lines.

_‘Better by far you should forget and smile_   
_Than that you should remember and be sad.’_

He could not help but read those two lines over and over again. He thought if his situation were any different those lines would not hold any specific meaning, but after his recent life events it was almost as if those lines were written specifically for him. They were jumping off the page and dancing around in his mind even when he wasn’t looking at them and he couldn’t shake them from his brain.

His better judgment told him he should listen to the lines, it was fate that they were assigned this exact poem with those meaningful words. But in actuality he resented the writing, the poem was contradictory and he didn’t want to listen to it. He doesn’t want to smile if it means forgetting.

The shrill sound of the bell startled him, pulling him from his thoughts of Victorian poetry and back to reality. He’d been back at school for two days now, his mother had found out he’d still been skipping and flew off the handle at him, he’d decided to play it safe and return to classes, but he was finding it just as hard to concentrate as he’d anticipated.

He shoved his empty notepad into his backpack, not caring if it got crumpled and torn, then slung the strap over his shoulder and exited the classroom. He saw his friends stood at the end of the corridor, if you could really call them that now. He’d spent the better part of the last two days avoiding them, he didn’t want their sympathy and pathetic looks, he’d much preferred to find somewhere to sit alone. He’d been spending his free periods and break times in the back corner of the library, a book opened and ignored on his lap, he found no one bothered him there.

But this lunch time he didn’t feel like being in the library. The poetry had irritated him and he thought the silence would only serve to annoy him more, but he also didn’t want to go to the lunch hall. Too noisy, too much laughter and irritation, he couldn’t stand it. Plus he’d already gotten his morning mark, so surely his mother wouldn’t know if he left now, no one would care.

He left the school grounds unnoticed, that was a perk of being in sixth form, none of the teachers cared when you came and went as a lot of students had free periods during the last couple hours and spent them at home. He knew he shouldn’t, but he decided to go and see if Theon was home. He’d been back to the flat three times during his days skipping school. He’d gotten closer to Theon and found he quite enjoyed his company, he was loud and boisterous and he didn’t push Robb into talking about things he didn’t want to. He also still didn’t know about his father so he got no sympathetic looks and Theon didn’t walk on eggshells around him, and he liked that.

He found he genuinely had a good time with Theon. He found he smiled effortlessly and the boy and his friends made him laugh when no one else could. He’d even taken to the taste of weed and found he didn’t mind it, actually he quite liked the effects of being high. It helped to calm him down and he could finally relax, his thoughts weren’t running wild and he didn’t feel like running away and hiding from the world.

He knew the walk to Theon’s now like the back of his hand, Theon had even shown him a shortcut but Robb never took it. He liked the long walk, he liked being out in the fresh air and he found when he was walking he could shut off his thoughts and just observe everything around him. He felt much more at peace listening to the birds chirruping and watching the way the trees moved in the breeze, it was serene and if the air wasn’t so chilly he would stay outside all day.

Robb was pleased to hear laughing and raised voices when he got to the familiar grey door marked number 25, he knocked loudly to be heard over the noise and waited patiently. Although Theon said he was welcome any time and to let himself in he always felt awkward and would wait outside hoping he wasn’t intruding at all.

Theon’s voice grew louder as he neared the front door, he was shouting to someone to ‘fuck off you stupid bastard’ and Robb couldn’t help but chuckle taking a wild guess it was aimed at Edric, that boy was a wind up merchant if there ever was one.

The door swung open and Theon grinned as his grey eyes met Robb’s blue ones, “How many fucking times do I have to tell you, just let yourself in dammit!” Theon greeted him with a laugh, motioning with his hand for him to enter.

Robb shrugs, “At least a couple more.” He jokes back. He walks through the narrow hallway and into the smokey living room.

“Robb! Good to see ya!” Edric grins up from his sitting position on the floor, he had a pipe the shape of an octopus tentacle clutched tightly in his hand which he returned to and began puffing on.

“Ignore him, he’s off his face.” Alys rolls her eyes and shuffles up on the couch making room for Robb to sit down beside her, “Should you not be at school?”

“Shouldn’t you?” He counters with a smirk. He’d found out that Alys was sixteen, although she looked much older, and skipped school just as much as he did.

Alys shrugs, “Yes.” She smirks, “My mum isn’t bothered, she’s given up trying and lets me do what I want now.” She lifts the blunt to her lips and inhales deeply.

Robb wished his mother would be like that. Would just stop bothering with him, would leave him to do what he wants and stop mithering him about his life. She has five other kids to look after, surely she could afford to stop caring about one of them.

Alys offered the blunt to Robb and he gladly took it between his fingers and lifted it to his lips inhaling the familiar taste and closing his eyes as it washed over him. It was a strange feeling, doing all these things he knew he shouldn’t be doing. It was almost like having a constant argument with himself, a small part of him was always yelling ‘ _you can’t do that! Don’t be stupid!_ ” but the bigger part telling him ‘ _Who the fuck cares. Do what you want._ ’ Always won. There’s no harm in having fun.

Theon plopped down on the floor beside Edric and picked up his controller un-pausing the racing game they were playing. The sound of car engines filled the room as Edric and Theon raced against each other, Robb couldn’t decipher who was winning nor did he care, he shut out the sounds and leant his head back against the couch closing his eyes once more.

He tapped his fingers against the arm of the chair, those two ending lines of that damn poem still swimming around in his head. ‘ _Better by far you should forget and smile._ ’ Robb thought for a moment that perhaps this was his way of forgetting. Being around Theon and his friends was a good escape from his grief. When he was with the group he found his thoughts didn’t linger on his father but instead he got caught up in their laughter and silliness, and he liked it. He felt much more at ease with the group than he ever did at home around his family anymore, and Robb thought that if all it took for him to smile and forget was for him to hang around with his new friends and smoke a little then it really couldn’t be such a bad thing.

He didn’t think about what his mother or siblings would say if they found out and he definitely didn’t think about what his father would have thought. It’s not like he will ever tell them and it’s not like it’s any of their business either.

“Move up then.” Theon’s voice pulls him back into the room and the hand pushing on his shoulder causes him to open his eyes and shuffle further along the couch.

Theon fell down into the space beside him, luckily Alys was only little so the three of them could fit comfortably on the two seater couch. Theon dug around in his pocket, causing his sharp elbow to bang into Robb’s arm multiple times.

“Do you mind?” Robb laughs, pushing Theon’s elbow away from him as it hits him again.

“Just getting something.” Theon mutters, finally pulling his hand from inside his pocket with a triumphant smile, “Thought it’d lost it then.”

“Lost what?” Robb asks leaning a little closer to peer over at what Theon was holding in his hand.

It was a small clear bag, much like the ones Edric kept his weed in, only this one didn’t hold any weed inside, instead it contained what looked like small squares of paper, “What’s that?” he asks.

Theon opens the bag and tips the contents out into the palm of his hand, “LSD tabs.” He explains holding them out towards Robb.

Robb looked at them for a moment before realising that Theon was holding them out as an offering rather than for him to look at, “Oh! No, thanks, isn’t that kinda bad for you?”

Theon laughs and doesn’t remove his hand, “Nah, just a little hallucinogenic! No one’s ever overdosed on these.” He picks one up between his fingers and pops it into his mouth, “See, harmless really.”

Robb furrows his brown and looks back down to the tabs. If Theon was taking one then surely they couldn’t be that dangerous, right? They’d told him weed wouldn’t harm him and that had been true, so there would be no reason for them to lie about this. Robb reaches out and picks one up, examining it between his fingers with a frown.

“What do I do with it?” He asks. Of course he’d heard of LSD and acid tabs before, but that didn’t mean he knew what to do with them nor the effects they would have on him.

“Just put it in your mouth and suck on it.” Theon explains as he holds them out towards the rest of his friends, “Takes about twenty minutes to kick in. These aren’t very strong so don’t worry about going off your head.”

“Do I swallow it?” Robb asks, still holding it nervously between his fingers, well aware that all the others already held theirs in their mouths.

Theon shrugs, “If you want. Some people do, some people don’t.”

Robb looked up as Theon answered and realised everyone’s eyes were on him, waiting for him to put the paper into his mouth. He was shaking slightly and hoped it wasn’t obvious, now they were all watching him he couldn’t change his mind. He had to take it otherwise they would think he was a loser. So he lifted it up to his mouth and put it under his tongue, it seemed as soon as he did so everyone looked away, content that he hadn’t let them down.

“Don’t look so worried.” Theon said patting him on the shoulder, “We’re friends, we wouldn’t do anything that would harm you.”

Robb gave him a small smile and nodded his head, wondering how long he would have to suck on the paper for before he could swallow but he felt silly asking anymore questions. When Robb skipped school to come here he had not anticipated he’d be doing this, taking real drugs. He never wanted that, he felt guilty enough smoking a little weed. He felt his anxiety rising as he leant forward, hands shaking slightly in his lap as he tried to concentrate on the tv. What if he got addicted? What if he became dependent? What if he turned out to be the first ever recorded case of LSD overdose? _What if his mother found out?_

He tried to control his thoughts and tell himself that he was being stupid. Taking one LSD tab would not make you dependent on them and as Theon had said, they weren’t even strong, so he definitely would not die. But that still didn’t stop his worrying.

Robb found himself watching the clock, minutes felt like hours as he waited for the effects to kick in. He hoped it wouldn’t be too bad. He didn’t want to hallucinate, he’d always been scared of losing his mind when he got old he definitely didn’t want to do it now out of choice. His fingers tapped on his knees, it had been half an hour and Robb didn’t feel much different. He thought perhaps it hadn’t worked but looking over at Theon and noticing his diluted pupils gave him second thoughts. If it was starting to effect Theon who was used to drugs then it would surely be effecting him soon too.

And Robb was right, not some five minutes later he started feeling dizzy and a little nauseous, he leant further forward, resting his chin in his hands as he looked around at everyone else trying to take his mind off of the sick feeling. Everything suddenly sounded so loud, like everyone had started shouting right down his ear at him when in reality they were sat across the room. He didn’t like it.

Theon’s hand on his shoulder made him jump and his much too loud voice made him reel away from him. “You alright?” He was asking, “Looks like it’s working.” The boy laughed and thankfully left him alone again.

After five minutes that felt much more like an hour Robb decided he could handle this. Things being a little too loud for a while and getting the shakes didn’t seem like such a bad reaction after all, he wasn’t seeing any dragons and he definitely didn’t feel like he was dying, so this he could deal with.

But his hope was short-lived when his vision became spotty and the tv became much too bright to look at. The colours seemed as though they were bursting out from the screen and working their way around the room, Robb almost felt as though he’d have to dodge the balls of light coming at him but some how they always diverted path whenever they got close to him. He watched the balls fly around, jumping back if one came a little too close to him. They were blurring the room into one big bright light and Asha who was sat on the opposite could had almost disappeared from view completely.

Robb was vaguely aware of an arm around his shoulders, Theon’s he guessed but he couldn’t be sure, the lights were too bright for him to see properly and everyone’s voices were merged into one. He was being helped up from the couch and the further he got from the room the less the lights followed him and Robb was glad for it. Theon lead him into the kitchen and leant him against the sideboard.

“You’ve gone a little pale.” Theon noted, his voice still too loud but much more bearable now it was just the two of them. Theon passed him a glass of water, Robb wanted to drink it but found himself swaying and unable to lift the glass towards his mouth in fear of spilling it over himself.

Theon guided him to one of the dining chairs and sat beside him, he was looking over at Robb with an amused expression causing Robb to narrow his eyes at him.

“What?” He asks, finally managing to take a sip from the glass, Theon just laughed and shook his head. “My heart is beating really fast.” Robb informs him, “Do you think I’m having a heart attack?”

This only causes Theon to laugh more, “No.” He grins, “That just happens. You need to relax or you’re gonna have a bad high.”

“I am relaxed!” Robb frowns, “And there’s no need to yell at me! And can you please turn the light off because I feel like it’s blinding me.”

“I’m not yelling at you I’m talking normally and that light is called the sun, I’m afraid I can’t do anything about that.” Theon grins. He reaches out and takes Robb’s face into his hands pulling him to look at him, he strokes his cheek lightly before running a hand through his mess of curls, “Relax Robb. I wouldn’t hurt you.”

Robb allows Theon to take him back into the living room, the blinding lights had disappeared and everyones voices thankfully sounded a lot lower now. Robb took a deep breath, trying to relax as Theon had said, he leant his head against the back of the couch and focused his eyes on the lamp in the corner.

It was an ugly thing, a thin black pole with a lopsided grey shade on, but the longer Robb looked at it the bigger it got. It was almost as though it was coming towards him, almost close enough for him to touch and then it would shrink back again. Robb wasn’t sure for how long he was watching the lamp but when he finally tore his eyes away after it had stopped moving he realised it was dark outside. That caused him to panic. He suddenly jumped up from the couch, knocking down a can of beer that was perched on the coffee table as he stumbled over Theon’s legs.

“Where you going?” Theon’s voiced called but Robb didn’t answer. He made it to the front door before realising he’d forgotten to grab his bag and put his shoes on, but when he turned back Theon was stood in front of him. “What are you doing?”

“I need to go! I should have been home by now, mum will be going mad. Where are my shoes?” Robb tried to push past Theon but the older boy stopped him and pushed him back against the door.

“You can’t leave. You’re still tripping, you might hurt yourself. Besides you can’t go home like this.” Theon grabbed the sleeve of Robb’s shirt and pulled him back through the hallway.

Robb started shaking and tried to prise his shirt out of Theon’s grip, “No! I need to go! Let me leave.” He tried to struggle free but Theon was stronger than he was and kept a tight grip.

Theon took him to his bedroom and sat him on the edge of the bed, “Robb stop freaking out.” Theon demanded as he tried to get up and run out again, “You can’t go home high. You don’t want your mum to notice, right?”

Robb’s breathing got heavier as Theon loomed over him, suddenly seeming much taller than he had before, he felt cornered, trapped. “No. No! I have to leave!” Robb tries to sound demanding but it comes out more quiet now as he buries his head in his hands.

He tries to control his breathing as he felt on the verge of a panic attack, something which he hadn’t suffered with since he was much younger. Theon pushed him back on the bed and pulled a blanket up over him, “Just calm down.” He says again.

Robb couldn’t find the energy to reply, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with drowsiness, he closed his eyes, his panic slowly fading away as he listened to footsteps leaving the room. He had to leave, he had to get back home, away from these people. But he couldn’t find the energy so instead he drifted into unconsciousness.

Robb’s head was pounding and he refused to open his eyes, the light already hurting his head through his closed lids. He buried his head deeper into the covers, almost forgetting the events of the day before. He was scared to find his bag and check his phone, knowing he’d have multiple missed calls and angry messages from his mother, he’d have to come up with a good excuse. He laid buried in the covers until he heard the door opening, only then did he peek out from the blankets and watch Theon walk over to him.

Theon places a mug down on the bedside table and sits down on the edge of the mattress, taking a sip from his own mug. Robb slowly shuffles up the bed to a sitting position, running his hand through his hair and groaning at the throbbing pain shooting across his temples. He picks up the mug and takes a sip of the coffee, the taste made him feel even more sick but he drinks it anyway.

Robb stays quiet until his mug is empty and then he finally speaks to the boy sat in front of him, “I’m sorry.” He mumbles, placing the empty mug back onto the bedside table.

“What’re you sorry for?” Theon asks, his piercing grey eyes staring down at Robb, he felt like cowering backwards and retreating into the blankets again.

“For freaking out.” He explains, “I know you was only trying to help. I was just panicking.”

Theon shrugs, “Side effect of the drug.” He says, “I put your phone on charge, you have a lot of missed calls. You should probably deal with that.”

Robb nods his head and reluctantly peels the blankets away from him and shuffles to the edge of the bed, he places a hand on Theon’s shoulder lightly, ‘Thanks…For looking after me.”

Theon smiles at him, “That’s what friends are for, isn’t it?” He raises a brow, “Your phones on the coffee table, I’m going for a shower, stick around or let yourself out, I don’t mind.”

Theon musses up Robb’s already messy hair and gets up, leaving Robb sat on the edge of the bed alone. He stays put for a while, trying to come up with a good enough excuse to give his mother as to why he didn’t come home and why he ignored all of her calls.

Robb found his phone on the messy coffee table and checked his messages, multiple from Sansa and Jon telling him he was in trouble, one from Arya asking if he was okay and lots from his mother telling him to call her, now.

He chewed his lower lip and reluctantly pressed the call button next to his mothers number and held the phone against his ear. It rang twice before stopping, but his mother didn’t say anything when she answered, that only made him feel worse.

“Sorry.” He says quietly. “I went to a friends…Lost track of time, I completely forgot to call.” He knew she probably wouldn’t believe him but he had to tell her something.

“Home. Now.” his mothers voice was sharp, causing him to wince as she hung up. He’d rather she shouted at him, flew off the handle at him and gone mad, he hated it when she just sounded disappointed.

Robb pulled on his shoes and found his bag. He took the long walk home, he wished it wasn’t a Saturday, that made it a lot harder to sneak in home and run upstairs to change before anyone saw him. He pushed the front door open slowly, poking his head round and quickly dashing towards his room, he heard his mother shout his name but slammed his bedroom door shut before she could reach him.

He quickly changed into sweatpants and an old t-shirt just in time for his mother opening his bedroom door. Her eyes were stern as she looked him over, she crossed her arms as she raised an eyebrow. “Well, do you care to tell me where you’ve been?” She asks.

“I told you.” Robb sighs, “I was at a friends. I forgot to call.” He chews his lower lip lightly, knowing he probably looked a mess.

His mothers face showed clearly that she didn’t believe him but she chose not to argue, “Next time you do that I will call the police and tell them you’re missing. Then you’ll be in trouble.” She warns him.

Robb sighs, he knew she wouldn’t actually call the police, but the thought of worrying her that much made him feel guilty, “Sorry.” He mumbles.

His mother just shakes her head and shuts his bedroom door, he listens to her walk away before dropping down on his bed and staring up at the ceiling, the banging in his head still prominent.


End file.
